Change..

I was getting bored with the constant fall of wickets (yes, cricket) so i logged in to my Facebook account. Few messages and notifications later i was there, staring at the window, numb, had no idea, now what should i do to pass my time. I went to my timeline, Clicked on October 2012 and thus i was back in that time when things were different, very different. I had never imagined that in the month of June next year, things would be so different. Funny, isn't it? Life will kick you at the moment when you are feeling blessed for being the person you are, having the life you have and then everything will change.

                                                     Now those emotional posts sound funny, useless and stupid. Those fun posts look like some amazing thing you said unaware of the fact that it might suite you very well some day.
People so close to you, now are so far away and you are still wondering what a joke life is. Sarcastic ! Friends went away, loved ones turned into people we used to know, acquaintances are now such an important part of my life.

I am not in a mood to sing some ballad, because i am still awestruck by things that have happened.

All i have learnt is: Change is the only constant thing in this world.

tasweer tumhari..

yunhi kisi roz kabhi fursat me
dekhne lage hum wo tasweer tumhari
jo tumne duniya k liye laga rakhi hai
dekhte hain tumhe hanste hue, khush ho tum
itminan hai is baat ka
par tum kisi aur k saaye me khush ho
ye baat takleef de jati hai.

han yaad hai mujhe, maine hi tumhe jane diya tha
kaha tha main aise khush reh lungi
par kehte kehte ye umeed bhi ki thi,
ki tum wapas aoge aur kahoge, nahi jana mujhe kahin
main khush hun tumhare saath, bahot khush.
par ye humari galatfehmi thi,
tumhari tasweer ki muskan wali ladki to yahi btati hai.

khair, hum apne yaadon ka sirhana hata kar
us tasweer se muh mor lete hain,har baar
par aankhien band karke bhi sirf tum dikhte ho,
aur tab ye dil mann hi mann sochta hai
kaash humne us din khudgarz hokar
pehli baar tumse pehle khud ko rakha hota,
to shayad aaj hmarai hoonthon par bhi wahi muskaan hoti,
jo tumhari tasweer wali ladki k pass hai,kyunki uske pass tum ho
kaash ki humare pass bhi wo sab khusiyann hoti
kaash tum hmare hote,
kaash us din mere aansoun ko tum dekh paate
mere dil ki har dhadkan yahi kaash kehti jati hai.

that numb feeling..

"first chill,then stupor and then the letting go.."

That plain expression which i give when anybody questions "why are you frowning?" ,that silence when i go to a temple and with folded hands i stand in front of an idol without having any clue what am i going to pray for,that unconscious mind answering when i am on a call, what is all this? Whether i am numb or the feelings inside me are so bewildered that i cant express them in the right order. They say i have changed a lot,somebody please tell them,i havent changed,i am not me anymore.I have witnessed the chill, i have faced the state of drunken numbness and maybe i am ready now for the letting go.

Let all go!!!!

helping hands....

Being a modern (not western),independent (rather i shud say bondless) and career oriented girl it has always been my aim to excel in studies and to spend as much time as i can in library....reading works of literature ,reading newspaper ,watching and taking part in debates and extra curricular activities....but all this and more can only satisfy my career goals and can never make me feel proud of myself....

i can never be satisfied by my performance as a person...but today i felt really happy by just doing a bit for someone in need...i wrote for a blind girl in my class because we had to submit an eassy and that too we had to write on d spot....as soon as i completed my work and submitted it to my teacher...she asked me for a favour and asked me to write for that blind girl...who was willing to write but wasnt able to do so coz she forgot her special notebook back home...so she went on speaking about the topic and i wrote it down ......as i was leaving the class she enquired about my name and said a very heartious thankyou.....

the feeling i had at that moment was very sensitive.....i jst smiled and moved on.....now i know whats the differnce between being successful and being a perfect person.... :)  

through the mirror.....

she completed all her household responsiblities and got a moment to relax.....her legs were too tired....head was getting heavy....she wanted to take rest tilll he comes home.....firstly she ensured that baby is sleeping......then she walked slowly towards her room and was about to surrender against tiredness but she saw herself from the corner of eye in the mirror....
her hairs were tied up but had bits of flour....her eyes were lil blackish coz the kajal got messed up.....her dupatta  was tied against her waist and she was looking no better than a maid........she remembered the days after her marriage.....   she used to get ready every morning and he huggeg her tight for making his day so nyc.....and now.....after 5 years of marriage and having a child.....she has turned down drastically because in the dilemma of running for his socks and baby's cerelac ....his spectacles and baby's nappy......she almost forgot the habit of dressing herself in beautiful saree and putting light makeup.........


but that evening a kind of abrupt enthusiasm took over her tiredness ..........she got up......took her towel and went into the bathroom.........an old song started somewhre nearby her window...... "sajna hai mujhe sajna k liye......lallallalallalalala"  .......after cleaning the mess she made of herself all day round....she took out an old light blue saree( he will love this on me, its his fav color).......wrapped it very graciously against her waist.......wore a light pendent(he gifted her this pendent on their engagement)....a beautiful piece of oval shaped blue stone studded earring (his all time fav).....used a kajal pencil to highlight her evr energetic eyes ......few light bangles and a perfume (he gifted her 2 years back)......

now she was ready to recieve him and part away all his tensions,tiredness and bad mood...........

suddenly the door bell rang......she got up slowly......opened the door and he was deep within the sea of refreshment the moment he saw her and he said..........  :-  u r the most beautiful lady on this earth.......atleast.....its my point of view.....

and that was all that mattered..........his point of view........... :)

walked a new road....learnt a new lesson...grew few years older in a day

sometimes u misunderstand urself as a person who is very smart and bold enough to face the outside world.....but...then comes the lesson which experience teaches u....u get to know how big a fool u  r ....or how much u r prepared to face the challenges of this world......

its very truly said :-  no one can use u until and unless u let him/her do......

thnx to my father ....and my godamnn gene .....m a vry big helping hand for evryone around me....earlier i used to think that they will love me and respect me even more if i will help them to take their care.....but now it seems lyk..... i was very wrong......i misunderstood their habit of exploiting  my helping nature to d fullest.....

but then , there were some moments when i needed their help and support  ,and then i got to know that not evryone is as idiotic as i am.....and every one left me dumbstruck by waving there hands and biding me a gudbye when i needed them the most......

and thats whne i got to learn....if u don have the courage to walk alone....no one will ever walk wid u....and if u have the tendency of keep walking with everyone.....many of them will leave u alone before reaching the end

living my day to d fullest

yesterday...dat is 19th of august 2011....had lotss of fun...freshers party is the day where we officially get the permission to join the fulltu mast campus life....initially the function was damn boring...so my group decided to return back home....but suddenly we heard that the dj part of function is about to start..we all cried out wid joy but indra devta entered the scene ....rain was on its full flow...when one of our intelligent alumni suggested...lets do rain dance...

and

fun began...i threw away my footwear and dashed to the auditorium...actually all of us did the same....we enjoyed a lot...dancing on all feet tapping songs...but the best ones were.. lakkh 28 kudi da and sweety sweety tera pyaar chahi da...although i hate such songs but they are really the best ones  for dancing and especially wid frnds....

loooooovvvveeeeddddddd my freshers party........ :)

my loads of thnx to union and alumni members..........laxmibai college.........rockkkkkksss